Saturday, March 7, 2009

fast track life

it's really been such a blessing from the last month of 2008 to the entry of this year 2009. now i look back and would need to pinch myself sometimes as i realize how much i've grown as a person these past few months. i feel like i've stepped up a level in my life - like i'm no longer the careless, care-free adolescent i was a year before. I can say it now- I'm an adult.

maybe it's because i've entered the workforce for some months now and i am very thankful that i was able to acquire jobs (regardless of how long i stayed in those companies) when other people go crazy trying to find work, job offers were finding their way to me.

last november i was hired by ACTS, a tutoring center, as an academic consultant. Iwas only able to stay there for 4 days (shortest stay from their record) because i also had a job in TP as an agent. So for those short 4 days i worked 2 jobs. But due to some clauses stipulated in my call center contract, i had to give up my tutoring job. The kids said they would miss me. I doubt if one of them still remembers my name. haha! still that was a thrilling job - having to teach math (my waterloo), filipino and civics (in english) and one time even spanish. Good co-wrokers- kudos to all the achis and ahias from ACTS.

so from december to february, i worked and lived like a vampire. I had my day reversed and my sleeping pattern messed up for quite some time. Yet i was willing to endure it, since the job paid well. who would have thought, huh? Xyza, a call center agent? because even during my college days, i was one of those people who got intimidated by call centers. yes, i do speak english rather well i might say byut somehow i didn't have the confidence to apply for a position since i felt my english was classroom english and not the call center english' they needed complete with the accent. the only accent i had was bulakeƱa accent, acquired from the place i live and grew up in.

it was such an experience. sometimes frustrating, intimidating and frightening at times, but it added something to the personality i already had. i felt that my confidence grew. hey, i wasn't even nervous talking to my american boss. i really thought i would be staying until mid-year of 2009 in that company - just so i could save up some money and to pass the time while waiting for St. Luke's to call me up.

yet, lo and behold, St. Luke's Medical Center - Global City called me up for my medical exam on Feb.2 and scheduled me to start training Feb. 16, 2009. I couldn't believe how fast everything was going. I was excited that my hybernation as a nurse would be over yet feared on how i would be able to balance 2 jobs at the same time. whatever, i'll cross the bridge when i get there.

My first day in training was really unforgettable. It was raining really hard so i had to travel wearing casual clothes and just brought my white uniform with me. There was heavy traffic since it was monday and it took sometime also to get changed in Jollibee before i headed off to SLMC-QC. I was asked to proceed to the 16th flr of Cathedral Heights and i knew it would take more time to wait for an elevator and i was already 30 minutes late. Fortunately one of the people from HR saw me and recognized me from the picture in my id. He called me out and we proceeded to medicine building. while walking i felt something wasn't right with my right shoe because i was hearinga constant clacking. turns out the sole of my shoes were hanging loose and were only a few more steps away from completely being removed from where it was glued. I tried to stick it with some gum but to no avail. i had to walk into the room in my pink flip-flops which fortunately turned into something comical that i would forever be remembered for. the girl in the pink flip-flops - that's me.

during the first two weeks of my traing i worked two jobs: training in St. Luke's in the morning and working at TP at night. My body wanted to revolt everytime 8pm was approaching and i had to be absent from my night job a couple of times since my body was giving up from fatigue. I'm really thankful also for my mentors, Kuya Glenn and Ate Niqz, for opening the door of their homw for me. I would have died after the first day working from one job to another if i had to go home to our house everyday. So,i decided, even if i wanted to stay at TP, i had to leave for my own good.

so currently i'm training as a staff nurse for St. Luke's Global City. I belong to NSET 10 a.k.a The Perfect Batch, an awesome group of people from all over the philippines- brilliant and excellent nurses who really match the title ONE OF THE WORLD'S BEST. I'm learning a lot and having so much fun at the same time. I sometimes think to myself 'so this is how a professional feels like.' it feels great.

i feel like my life is on the fast lane, i'm hanging in there. by God's grace i'll make it through.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

dude, where are you going?

it's been a long time since i had time to blog. Well, being in production already limits my access time to the internet. Plus, trying to stay unconspicuous is really hard when your bosses are roaming constantly. a new year has entered and the first month just quickly passed by. I can't believe i didn't manage to squeeze in even one blog entry for january. So let this be my salutations for the year 2009.

i planned to stay up last new year's eve and write down my faith goals for the year. I had a lot of them already in my head but i wanted to use that time to write them down on paper - make them more concrete. but it was only after the first week of january was i able to write them down. and i asked also my disciples to do the same. here a re some samples from what i wrote.

  • To complete my G12 by the end of the year
  • To win one soul every month for this year
  • To mentor 10 singers to be worship leaders
  • To start my own business
  • To save Php50,000 in the bank and pay for our house
  • To become a registered midwife
  • To commit consistently with my walk with GOD

I forgot the others. yet as the end of january came and went, my #2 goal was, let's just say, temporarily forgotten. Hanna, one of my disciples, asked me why i'm asking for their goals for this year. I answered so i might know how to lead you. Knowing where you want to go would help a lot. Lifting them up to GOD would bless your year. That simple statement brought about ideas afterwards.

Why should you bother knowing your destination? Isn't it more fun to just enjoy the journey and be surprised by how it goes and where it leads you? Maybe. But i think getting into something without the slightest hint of where you want to go is a waste of time and effort. I mean, you don't actually get to your destination just by looking down on your own two feet. You got to know where you're heading and setting out goals is the way to do that. Otherwise, it's not a journey you're taking-that's just wandering.

I've know a lot of people who get into sticky situations and find themselves just making excuses that they're just enjoying the ride rather than getting real and finding the purpose for what they want to accomplish in this life. Most are really hard headed in saying that they make their own decisions and no one is the boss of them. Full of pride they stick with their choices even if takes them down hill. I can hear sinatra sing "i did it my way..."

I shake my head just thinking about the heartache and sorrow they can be saving themselves from if they just learn to submit their lives to the orchestrator of life. The wisest king who ever lived once said: "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:5-6).

reflect and ask yourself "dude, where are you going?"

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

being the BEST you right now

girls are guilty of fantasizing of their prince charmings even at a young age. they envision their perfect man, atop a white horse and clad in a suit of armor,of course with a killer smile. boys, however, start picturing their pretty woman by the time they become aware that there are other types of living, breathing human beings who are unlike them in every way yet they find incredibly attractive. both genders reach an age when they realize that the other doesn't have cooties. this is also the time that they think they're ready for love.

although what i've made above may be hasty generalizations of both sexes, i think most of us envision having future mates who are so perfect you would think they didn't come from this world. but isn't that unfair - to want someone who is perfect without so much as thinking if we ourselves are deserving of such? before even thinking of being in a relationship with your dream guy/girl we must first learn to be a suitable type of person for our future partner.

Don't idealize.Get real, nobody's perfect. everybody in this world has committed a mistake and has weaknesses and imperfections. of course we would want only the best for ourselves, but let's be realistic and reflect really on what will suit us. i'm not all against dreaming big and aiming high, but stay grounded. stay true to who you really are.

We are the ones who really give the measure of what we expect. Therefore, before even thinking of being in a relationship with your dream guy/girl we must first learn to be a suitable type of person for our future partner.

how do we do this?

1. Have a good self-image and good self-esteem

-Knowing yourself is of utmost importance to guage your readiness. A good self-image means that your idea or your belief about yourself is bound with reality. there is no disillusionment. Let me add healthy to that good self-image. This means that even in exclusion of other people, you are satisfied and comfortable with who you are. A good self-esteem means that you have a strong belief in yourself and in your abilities. This will be your key in socializing with other people and making friends.

2.Examine yourself and strengthen your weaknesses.

-Try writing it down. It's more real when you see it on paper. write down what you think you excel in or where you're good at. this may include physical attributes, attitudes, behaviors, values, beliefs, talents and ministry. then, write down your weaknesses. ask GOD for humility so that HE may reveal to you the things you might need to work on. Example, you might get easily angry over small stuff. This would not work if you would be in a relationship in the future. So you have to work on it, starting now.

3.Be willing to yield and be reconciled.

-Submission is oftentimes hard because the word "submission" is always associated with the words "surrender" and "defeat". and this is the hardest thing to do when all the organs inside of you are screaming in unison saying "I WANT LOVE RIGHT NOW!". This would be incredibly frustrating even more when God says to you, "NOT YOUR TIME YET." But being ready to enter in a relationship means that you should be used to compromise and most of the time giving to the other person rather than getting what you want. And chiseling your attitude towards that is best done now rather than when you're in the midst of a relationship. Allow GOD to shape your attitude by learning everyday to submit to HIS will and surrendering your heart to HIM. I know, waiting in silence can be really lonely and can drive you crazy at times but I assure you, there is a GOD in control and HE wants you to yield to HIM first as HE prepares HIS future for you.

4. Allow yourself to be corrected.

- As I said above, this is the time to iron-out those wrinkles in your attitude and reshape thse behaviors into something your future spouse would be proud of. Everything we do now will impact our future. This time of solitude is given to us right now for a reason and that is to prepare us into something better. Listen to your fiends, your family (your parents) especially on what they can see are the areas you need to improve on. Don't be afraid to come up to them and ask. They are the persons who know you well and i think they are the ones who would be honest and firm enough with you to help you in this season. Look to your church leaders, a mature christian female if you're a girl and christian male if you're a guy. Growing in a Christ-like way never hurts anyone. I know it is hard to admit that we made mistakes and that we have done wrong maybe in the past or even right now. I tell you only a brave few can do it because it really requires a humble heart to really get this suggestion into practice. But always ask for the grace of GOD and HIS wisdom and I'm sure HE will not fail to hear you.

All self-help books available in the market might says something else but all these four points drive down to one point that I wish to make: if you want to be the best you right now, only GOD can help you with that. No mantra, no, book, no program, no blog, no person, no doctor, no specialist, no saint, no miracle worker can change you. ONLY GOD CAN. It is only when you choose to submt to follow HIS will and not your own will you experience HIS changing power moving in your life and the transformation into being the BEST you can happen.

Try it today, and be prepared tomorrow.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

WANTED: BF/GF part 2

i have had 3 boyfriends already even before i realized that iwasn't really ready to enter in a relationship. i had my first boyfriend when i was only 14 years old and at that age. a usual teenager would be worried more on school, studying hard to get into a reputable college. but at that time, my mind was busy wandering into the world of crushes, relationships, and flirting. it was enough for me that i felt something for another person to consider him as one of my "prospects", even if that feeling was really vague and misleading. it wasn't all like in the movies or teeny-bopper shows depicting puppy love because it always ended up in one's heart being broken: mine and the guy's. all because i wasn't ready.

why is it important to be ready?
relationships should not be treated as a joke. we are talking about people's hearts and feelings. if we do not take these matters seriously, it would either cause us or somebody else pain which could have been avoided only in we have chosen to be ready first. and who would want one heartache after another? it would be very inconsiderate of the person you would enter in a relationship with if we commit without really being ready.

what steps can you take to get ready?
1. Consider a time of solitude for yourself.
-a time of singleness is always a blessing. elisabeth elliot said in her book passion and purity", that each of us were called to serve GOD as singles and this should be how we think unless GOD has made it clear to us that HE has called us into marriage otherwise. being single gives you time to know yourself more and know what you want in life, including what you want in a future mate.

2. Acknowledge that GOD has control over your love life.
-God has chosen a perfect mate for you. and HE will let you meet in HIS proper time. so there is no need for you to "try out" several people. don't make the "oh, i'm helping GOD with finding my mate, perfect with everything i want" excuse to enter into short-term, purpose-less relationships. HE has a plan for your life and it was made for your good. (Jer.29:11)

3. Wait without anxiety.
-waiting in silence to hear GOD's voice is the hardest. bearing the uncertainty, self-doubts and all the "what if's" you can think of will make you want to ask "LORD when will my time come?" waiting without anxiety entails that we trust GOD completely and without questions. Ask GOD to revise your heart to trust HIM, HIS choices more than your own.

4. Ensure that your thoughts and feelings are in line with the Bible.
-Renew your mind. When we accepted Jesus as our Lord and Savior, he made us into new creations(2Cor.5:17). The bible says, we must be transformed with the renewing of our minds and no longer conform with the ways of this world. This, my friends, includes our love lives.

5. Seek inner healing and ministry for wounds form the past.
-These wounds may be caused by: infidelity, lack of acceptance, physical and verbal abuse. It is imporatnt for us to do this to get ready so that there will be no entry point for the enemy to use to access or affect our future relationships. Entering a relationship with unhealed wounds may cause difficulty and damages to you and your mate that can be avoided if you settle this first. Go to a trusted Christian adult (same gender as you are) who can minister to you in this area.

how would you know if you are ready?
you'll know you're ready when GOD says that you are. and we can only be sure by this by keeping an intimate relationship with HIM and not losing touch with our creator. He created us. He has a plan for us and He has timed everything in our life perfectly to meet His plan for our lives.

when i met allan, God has just called me out of a relationship because i felt that He wanted me to accomplish something - something that i had to do alone. although people around me did not get this, they thought i was just cruel to have broken up with my ex without any definite reason. But now as i look back, God had designed that time for me to know myself more and to get ready. I am very much happy I trusted GOD during that time. Even if it was difficult at times, I have found GOD's purpose for this time in my life and in the end i found it really rewarding.

what's next?
watch out for my next blog. being the best you can be.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

WANTED: BF/GF part 1

even though my brain is on the verge of a stand still from info-overload, i still can squeeze in some time to blog.

i've often seen this "ad" on the textmates wanted portion of the newspapers or written on the back seat of buses. some would even go to extreme extents as to offer sexual favors to attract "responders". numerous internet services have been established to cater for people in search for their perfect mate.

people have heeded to the invitation without really knowing what it takes to be somebody's partner..what it means to be committed to someone or even what COMMITMENT means.

they hide behind the "feeling" they perceive as "love" or mere "attraction" as their basis for readiness to commit to somebody. for those people scratching their heads right now, confused and asking questions.let me tell you... if this is how you think, then i can be sure you're heading for a heartache right here and now.

so how can you esay you're ready?
find out on my next blog...

Saturday, December 20, 2008

to tell or not to tell?

since i was a teenager i have gotten into trouble for talking too much. even in kindergarten, i was dubbed "most talkative". i even had to go to an EENT doctor to have my larynx examined for recurrent sore throats and voice problems. my vocal chords, as examination would show, have grown in thickness beyond that of a normal girl. scientifically, girls' vocal chord should thin out as she matures, but the opposite happened to me due to my excessive talking.

i have found myself being scolded for things i have said that should have stayed in my head. i have blurted out things to my parents which i wish i shouldn't have. i have made some of my classmates cry because of comments i made. i have even been confronted by my peers for my nasty humor. acoording to them, i say stuff that i should have just kept for myself. that was before.

i know i have a big mouth. this maybe the reason that most of the people i have met recently know my life/love story.

my love story. relationships. these are the things i blabber most about. probably because GOD reshaped my way of thinking and renewed my views on love and purity. i am not afraid to tell my ideas for i strongly believe in them since i have experienced it for myself. i am not even afraid to talk about my past - no matter how dark and twisted it is. i tell people, "don't be folled by the pretty face."

most people would be ashamed of talking about something they wish never happened or they never did. most people would be afraid to stand in front of a crowd or even just an audience of one to tell their story. most people would be traumatized if after mustering the courage to recount their story, they were faced with criticisms and judgment rather than a pat on the back.

most people would. but i believe i am not like most people. why?

i can tell people how i have lived while looking them straight in the eye, not because i'm not ashamed of it (though most parts ARE shameful), but because i know in my heart that my SAVIOR has paid the price for these sins that i have committed and that HE has made me whole again. i am a new creation: the old is gone, and the new has come. i do not tell people my past, especially the young girls i minister to, to have them emulate me and to experience it for themselves. i tell them my story because i know that this is where GOD has displayed HIS power most in my life. and this i am not ashamed of.

people closest to me would advise me not to speak of it anymore because of past experiences that have lead them to believe that i have damaged my own reputation. but, i see things differently. i believe that when a person gains full realization of the meaning of the CROSS and the DEPTH OF GOD'S LOVE in their life, you can't keep that person from speaking out.

i believe this is where GOD has called me to minister. "not to tell" is not an option.
i am a walking testimony. i choose to live a life that shouts HIS fame.

Friday, December 19, 2008

thanks kuya kevin

i have been really burdened for a few weeks now about a girl under my care who apparently had been having relationship problems. it's not the usual bf-gf problems i usually encounter and have alot of experience dealing with. this time it's different. a lot of complications have emerged which added the burden i have in my heart. i think of it even when i sleep.

thankfully, i kuya kevin was very helpful to give me advise on how to go about this matter. i posted a comment on his blog and he promptly replied.

Thank you for your work and ministry with youth!This young woman needs to be
confronted with the truth of Scripture. Yes, you must be as sensitive as
possible because she is young and confused. BUT, don't be afraid of offending
her. Think of it this way: Imagine I'm a doctor and I have a patient with
cancer. I would have to tell him the truth. It would be unethical not to tell
him.In the same way, we have to tell the truth to those who are spiritually
sick. In the case of same-sex attraction, we must let people know that God's
mind has not changed--He does not bless same-sex relationships. She needs to
know that she is damaging her relationship with God and creating damaging
strongholds in her life.
3:34 AM

even in the wee hours of the morning he replied. i thank God for you, kuya kevin. i wouldn't have known where to start. God bless you.

now i'm just praying "the sun would smile on us" on saturday.